Once everyone is on the plane, the flight attendants will make a safety announcement or play a video of a safety announcement. Let’s run through what they’re going to say, why they say it, and what you need to be worried about. (Hint: You should be worried about almost none of this. But pay attention anyway. I just don’t want you to be stressed out the first time you get this information.)

IF YOU ARE NERVOUS ABOUT ALL OF THIS, DON’T BE!

THE ONLY PART OF THIS THAT I HAVE EVER HAD TO WORRY ABOUT IS HOW TO FASTEN AND RELEASE MY SEATBELT.

The following script is excerpted from https://airodyssey.net/reference/inflight/. Commentary is mine.

INTRODUCTION

“Ladies and gentlemen, the Captain has turned on the Fasten Seat Belt sign. If you haven’t already done so, please stow your carry-on luggage underneath the seat in front of you or in an overhead bin. Please take your seat and fasten your seat belt. And also make sure your seat back and folding trays are in their full upright position.”

This is all so that in the event that something goes wrong, everyone can get out of the plane quickly. The chances of needing to leave the airplane in a hurry are slim to none, but in the tiny chance something goes wrong, it’s best to have everyone working together for safety.

EXIT ROWS

“If you are seated next to an emergency exit, please read carefully the special instructions card located by your seat. If you do not wish to perform the functions described in the event of an emergency, please ask a flight attendant to reseat you.”

Your seat probably is not in an exit row.

Federal regulations do not allow a customer to sit in an exit row if they can’t or don’t want to perform the following:

  • Be at least 16 years old
  • Be able to see and understand the safety information card
  • Locate the emergency exit
  • Recognize the emergency exit opening mechanism
  • Understand how to operate the emergency exit
  • Be able to operate the emergency exit
  • Assess whether opening the emergency exit will increase the hazards to which passengers may be exposed
  • Follow oral directions and hand signals given by a Crewmember
  • Stow and secure the emergency exit window so that it will not impede use of the exit
  • Move quickly through the emergency exit
  • Assess, select, and follow a safe path away from the emergency exit

Basically, if your seat is in an exit row, and you don’t feel comfortable with this, talk to a flight attendant, and they will re-seat you.

Also, don’t mess with the emergency doors. Really. They are impossible to open in flight, but if you open them on the ground, they have to ground the airplane until a bunch of mechanics look over all sorts of checklists, and that can take days, and they will send you the maintainance bill.

SMOKING

“We remind you that this is a non-smoking flight. Smoking is prohibited on the entire aircraft, including the lavatories. Tampering with, disabling or destroying the lavatory smoke detectors is prohibited by law.”

There has been no smoking allowed on flights in the US since 1990. Don’t smoke on the flight. Everyone will be stuck with the smell, and they will find you and will arrest you. If you do insist on smoking, all the lavatories (bathrooms) have ashtrays. Put it out in the ashtray. Don’t put it in the trash can. Paper towels will catch on fire. The crew will put it out safely, but then you will be dealing with an additional charge of arson.

Really. Just don’t smoke on airplanes.

Most airlines also do not allow vaping, e-cigarettes, marijuana, or smokeless tobacco. Nicotine gum is ok on most US airlines.

QUESTIONS

“If you have any questions about our flight today, please don’t hesitate to ask one of our flight attendants. Thank you.” Really. If you have a question, ask a flight attendant.

SEATBELTS

“When the seat belt sign illuminates, you must fasten your seat belt. Insert the metal fittings one into the other, and tighten by pulling on the loose end of the strap. To release your seat belt, lift the upper portion of the buckle. We suggest that you keep your seat belt fastened throughout the flight, as we may experience turbulence.”

Seatbelts on planes are a tiny bit different than seatbelts in cars. You have to tighten your own seatbelt. Instead of pushing a button to release your seatbelt, there is a lever that you pull. When you sit down, try buckling and unbuckling your seatbelt a few times. You’ll get used to it quickly.

EMERGENCY EXITS

“There are several emergency exits on this aircraft. Please take a few moments now to locate your nearest exit. In some cases, your nearest exit may be behind you.” Look around for the nearest emergency exit. Just be aware of where it is. You will never need to use it, but it’s best to have the information and not need it.

“If we need to evacuate the aircraft, floor-level lighting will guide you towards the exit. Doors can be opened by moving the handle in the direction of the arrow. Each door is equipped with an inflatable slide which may also be detached and used as a life raft. A life vest is located in a pouch under your seat or between the armrests. When instructed to do so, open the plastic pouch and remove the vest. Slip it over your head. Pass the straps around your waist and adjust at the front. To inflate the vest, pull firmly on the red cord, only when leaving the aircraft. If you need to refill the vest, blow into the mouthpieces. Use the whistle and light to attract attention. (Also, your seat bottom cushion can be used as a flotation device. Pull the cushion from the seat, slip your arms into the straps, and hug the cushion to your chest.) In the event of an evacuation, leave all personal items behind and proceed to the nearest exit.”

There have been less than 50 passenger airplanes ever that needed to use life rafts or life vests. But every airplane has them available, just in case.

OXYGEN MASKS

“Oxygen and the air pressure are always being monitored. In the event of a decompression, an oxygen mask will automatically appear in front of you. To start the flow of oxygen, pull the mask towards you. Place it firmly over your nose and mouth, secure the elastic band behind your head, and breathe normally. Although the bag does not inflate, oxygen is flowing to the mask. If you are travelling with a child or someone who requires assistance, secure your mask on first, and then assist the other person. Keep your mask on until a uniformed crew member advises you to remove it.”

Once again, a piece of safety equipment that is almost never used is on every passenger airplane. There is one thing out of this that I want you to remember no matter what: “secure your mask on first, and then assist the other person.” In the unlikely event of a loss of cabin pressure, put your own mask on first, then help those around you. The mask will let you help those people instead of them having to help you. A good thing to keep in mind for life. And if you’re worried about the pilots in this situation, they have their own special masks with built in radios, so they can keep talking to each other and air traffic control!

ELECTRONIC DEVICES

“At this time, your portable electronic devices must be set to ‘airplane’ mode until an announcement is made upon arrival.” Having your cell phone on isn’t actually dangerous for the airplane, but there are a bunch of reasons to keep it in Airplane Mode. 1) It’s rude to be on the phone in such a small space. 2) Most cell signals won’t reach a plane in flight, but your phone will keep looking for a signal, which will drain the battery. 3) Most airplanes have wifi, so why are you trying to use your data plan? 4) It’s REALLY rude to be on your phone in such a small space.

SAFETY CARD

“You will find this and all the other safety information in the card located in the seat pocket in front of you. We strongly suggest you read it before take-off.”

There should be a safety information card in a pocket on the back of every seat. It shows all of the above pictorally!

CONCLUSION “If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask one of our crew members. We wish you all an enjoyable flight.”

If you have a question, ask a flight attendant.

As they do this, the airplane will start taxiing to the runway. Soon, you’ll be ready for takeoff!